I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
