i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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