update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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