Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
