that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
