take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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