If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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