i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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