i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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