Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
