We won't sleep together?
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
