If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can I color on your dick again?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize