i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize