Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
