She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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