I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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