addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
