omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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