So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
