It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
