Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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