All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
