hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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