well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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