yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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