Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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