Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
