And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
