Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
