some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
