you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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