i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
