Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
