No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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