I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
