He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can I color on your dick again?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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