Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
