I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
