i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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