I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
