yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
