I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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