sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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