one two three fourrrrnication!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
