I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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