I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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