You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize