My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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