i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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