totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
