So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
