Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no you cant smoke seaweed
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
