I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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