i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
