he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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