hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
