So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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