I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
