she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
