Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
