He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
