I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize