Your mouth is God's brothel.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
