yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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