Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
