No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
