I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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