She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
