Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
